another entry

         So, I have been wanting to write for awhile but now that I am writing I am not sure what all I wanted to write about. Oh, first I finally finished The Maze Runner. I had already seen the movie so it made it a little tough to read through but there were enough things different to keep me interested in reading further. I finished it and started reading the next book and by the end of my reading day I had made it over halfway through The Scorch Trials. I am loving this book even more than the first. I am loving this series.
         I have been winning a lot of free books from this website that I am using and I have decided that I am going to read them. I was originally going to sell them or something for some money but I may just read them and if I like them I will keep them. Why not? I mean, I have already won 5 books, an audio book and an e-book. It is awesome. I am loving it. I am hoping that is with reading more I will find more interest in writing again. Which, I know that blogging more often is going to help to get juices flowing. I am actually debating on doing writing prompts again just to get myself going. I hate them but I obviously need it.
         I am going to be starting a therapy art group. I am not sure what to expect but I am hoping it will get me back into my artwork. I miss being able to use my art for anything. Even my pen pal letters are just black ink and that is it. Half the time I write in cursive since it is faster. I mean, I have basically given up.
         Speaking of which, I am getting another anti-depressant added to my med list. We are hoping it will help just a little bit more. The anti-depressant that I am taking works a little bit but obviously not enough so hopefully adding this will help more. I am just sick of sitting in this stupid spot forever.
         I am starting pen paling again. One through mail and one through email plus one of the old ones for mail. I just got so lazy lately. I have to fake it til I make it.
         Oh, also... so I was without a phone for about 5 days and couldn't get ahold of anyone other than through facebook and I realized how few people are on facebook often. I really need to try to lay off the facebook. But, I found another one and was about to fix it up... then it died so I had to go back to my phone I had about 5 years ago, the LG Optimus S. The screen is so small for my thumbs. It is funny but so weird. I am just happy to have a phone so I am able to get ahold of the people that I need to, which is pretty awesome. So, may not be that great but it is something and at least it is better than being stuck with a flip phone.
         Haha, I bought a CD the other day. Yes, literally bought a CD at the store. I really like this rapper G-Eazy and I saw his cd for 9.99 and I couldn't pass it up. I really like him and his style. I have been listening to him and Mac Miller off and on lately. White Rappers. Haha.
         Well, not totally sure what else to write about at the moment so I am going to go try to do some writing. See what I can come up with, if anything at all.

-oo-

coming to terms with reality

Kat and i had done some talking awhile back about possibly having another kid at some point in the future and how i was hoping for it to be my egg and her giving birth to the child. that way my grandfather and mom's dna will not end with me as i am an only child of an only child [only one of my grandfather's but has half brothers and sisters]. after doing research i am sad to say that it looks as though if Kathrine and i were to decide to have another child we would not be able to use my egg. it would cost a minimum of $15,000 PER egg transfer. there is a minimum of 30% chance it would lead to multiple children [twins or more]... i am sad because i was really hoping to be able to pass on my genetics so my grandfather would be able to live on. it crushed me...

my anti-depressants aren't working and i can tell. i have been able to tell for awhile but i was hoping it would get better. i am needing to find a doctor that i can get in to see since the ones here all quit. i need to see if my mood stabilizer is working anymore cause i really feel like it isn't and i need my vitamin d needs to be upped again. i would like if i could have my ativan upped, as well, since my anxiety levels are getting higher and higher now. i am not sure what to do with anything since i have no psychiatrist... i need to try to find another one. 

on top of that all happening, a great lady and friend that i have known my entire life passed away yesterday. she had been battling cancer for years and she ended up losing the battle due to having to stop chemo because she ended up getting ecolli. the woman went through so much through the last few years it was so hard to see her struggling with her health but she was still able to stay strong. she was an amazing woman and she will for sure be missed. 

i am 80 days without cigarettes. haven't used a patch in over 60. i now only use a e-cigarette with non-nicotine liquid. i love it. it helps a lot with the habit. 

other than that... i am still getting free stickers in the mail, got a free hat and shirt, some other random things. still getting magazines and so forth. i will take pictures soon just haven't gotten around to doing it. i need to make a video for youtube, too, but i never have the ambition to do it anymore. 

honestly, i am not sure what else to write about at this point. so, i guess that i am going to go for right now. i will try to write more again sooner. hopefully things will start getting a little better. 

-oo-

Aiden

more stickers

              finally got around to posting the newer stickers that i have been getting in the mail. i remind you, these were all free. i didn't pay a penny for ANY of these. 

        pretty good collection coming in. will be lots more coming in still. wrote to more companies. :) i will keep updating as i get more.

a few new ideas

so, i am trading art with a pen pal of mine and i am really excited cause i love her piece she is sending to me.

i have been looking into these little things called Artist Trading Cards, also known as ATCs. so basically they are trading pieces of artwork the size of trading cards like the baseball cards or whatever. they seem pretty cool. there are a bunch of people on listia doing it, some websites that you trade artwork, letters, etc. i really like this idea. and in the mean time get back into my full scale work like my painting i started and never finished. i was inspired by my friend who offered to send me a piece of hers and then wanted one of mine. i need to use a canvas that i have and make something for her.

i am still collecting free stickers. been getting more in the mail all the time. need to take new pictures of the newest stickers cause i keep forgetting. i have gotten a decent amount and am still getting more every day. need to try to start finding more companies who might send things for free. i am also trying to look around for materials for a desk or a free desk anywhere.

we are looking for a rent to own home, get a place large enough that i can have my own art desk/ work area so then i can produce my work with space andd have things formally organized. i really need a whole room. that will be ideal if we can find a place like that. we found a 7 bedroom for 709  month. honestly, i want it. i want to see it in person and then i want to decide from there. we would need a few bedrooms though. it is an interesting idea. i have a friend who might be able to move in with us, but not sure since he is in treatment right now and with one friend in recovery and one who has admit that he is an alcoholic. i just don't want to have that worry for him. i just really want to be able to have that place if it is as nice as my friend said that it is.

i have meant to blog a few times but i just haven't gotten around to it. i need to stop ditching things and just do them. i need to make a goal of writing at LEAST once a week. then try to go up from there, if it goes well. i think it will be helpful for myself. maybe post the artwork i have created over the week. or show some of the process of drawing.

oh, i have also decided that i really want to try to get a drafting board. that would be REALLY great to have next to the drawing/ writing desk. since my laptop is tiny and whenever i get my desktop fixed, that won't take up much of the room that i will have of the desk if i can set it up right.

i really am gonna figure this all out about possibly just making it but i would need to get someone to help me do it, the materials, the tools, etc. i just dunno if that is gonna happen to be honest. maybe i can just get one of those huge metal desks from the 70s and 80s. i know there is one at my dad's house but it has been there since when my dad moved in back in 97... i am not wanting to touch or move it. i am just gonna keep looking around. hoping that we will be able to get a house soon and go from there.

well, just going to try to think about some random things that i can do to help look for one. earn some money for top surgery. opening a bank account. making ATCs... ugh, so much i want to do but i have to start with one thing. oye.

well, peace out for now
-A

newest stickers :)

yep, posting some more of the free stickers that i have gotten in the mail lately.

looking into the past

so, today i basically spent the entire day searching online for things i can use in my story that i am going to start writing soon. did a lot of marking of pages about insane asylums and so forth around the 30's- 60's. i haven't decided exactly what time period to have it placed in. but we will see as i do more research about everything. I am hoping to pay off my library fines so that I can check out some books and dvds if I can find any of those or anything. I am going to try to look into every single way that I can do the research and try to make it as accurate as possible. The psych ward part is the major thing that I need to make accurate and depending on the time period I will go from there into where I decide to write the story, the final decisions and everything else. One step at a time then they lead to the details. I am going to try to write this the best way I know how and take it slow but try to stay focused as much as possible.

I have basically be watching tons of horror movies and dramas about psych wards, not matter what time period they are in and just trying to get into the right state of mind. I am going to be doing nothing but trying to surround myself with things like this and trying to do mental disorders so I can define and explain why she is in there other than killing people. I know the basics of what she is going to do but I need to figure out what things she is feeling, seeing and so forth to bring her to the point of killing people other than the plot that she has already been given that I will not talk about yet.

There are a lot of ideas racing through my head about where I want the story to go, what I want the basics to be... but I am not totally sure what I want to do yet. I will take it one step at a time.

Still getting more stickers and random things every day. I am loving it. :) I am so glad I signed up and asked for all the stickers from people. I think I am going to do another list of emails but I need to try to make sure I don't email the same people I have already emailed. That is gonna be the toughest part cause I am going to have to go back through the old emails, I think.

Let's see... anything else to write about? I have officially switched to weekly shots. We will see how the changes come from here. I am going to be keeping everything documented in my shot journal like I have been but I need to make sure I write more in it each time. I didn't take very good records of the first year and I kind of wish that I would have. I know I could have but oh well, gotta start now, I guess.

Well, I am good for now since blogger is being weird.

Love, Peace and Chicken Grease, y'all

-Aiden