ugh

we were without internet for a few weeks. i am trying to break through on a few things emotionally, physically and health wise. it is not working great and i am having a hard time caring. i am trying to kick my ass into gear. i really don't like how i live. i am not as happy as i could be and i know that. i am going to try... keep trying.

i have begun really working on the movie ideas now. getting ideas for plots, the type of zombies, doing makeup research, working on things that are going to be involved in the development of the story. trying a few ideas and trying to figure out what feels right along with what we are capable of having access to film in but still something decent looking enough that it is real. i am really going to be kicking ass at this. i have around 6-8 months to work on the plot, character development and so forth. trying to work on things.baby steps but for sure trying to get other people to help me out with things. i need to try to find someone who is willing to work on the legal aspect of helping make forms, print them off, send them out, keep addresses and phone numbers, etc. i would do it myself but i don't think i can on top of everything else. along with that, i think it would be good to have someone other than me doing the phone stuff. i dunno, i am going to try to see if i can get anyone in the area. that would be great. i wish more of the zombie fans that i know lived closer.

i am trying to get myself to watch more zombie movies, try to read some zombie short stories or stories that people have written. i want to try to see the diffeent aspects and types of zombies out there. i am thinking i am narrowing the type of zombies down pretty well. hopefully should know that for sure by the end of the week.

i think that i am going to write deadlines in my planner that will help me keep on schedule for things. otherwise i have a feeling that i will end up somehow messing it up. i really hope that i can do this.

i have been hungry all the time for the last two or three weeks. i am not sure why but i am always hungry. i am trying to not over eat but it hasn't been working so well. then i went to my friends house and i weighed myself while i was on her scale and i was down to 215. so i lost 2 pounds after eating TONS of food. i really need to start working out because once i start my metabolism is gonna kick my ass but i will masculinize fast, i will feel better... there are so many benefits. i will be so happy to be healthy, be able to run if i need to, be able to walk distances with the dog. i am sick of being lazy and tired all the time. i never used to be this way and i don't want to be. i am 28 years old and i am in worse shape than i have ever been. i don't want to have to be this way for the rest of my life.

looking into props, makeup and everything for the movie got me really excited. i have some really cool ideas and i really think that it can be a real thing and maybe a group of us with start up something. otherwise, i think i might get into trying to do directing little videos, making things for my youtube. it could be really fun to do. i will have to see. i want to talk to my buddy, jens, more about the things that he does and maybe he will come over and we will be able to just hang out and he can show me how he does what he does, what programs, etc.

i am kind of excited for the process of picking music. i want to try to pick a type and some local bands/ smaller time bands that might be willing to let us use their music or a song. i wish i could find someone who would be able to compose or create actually music, also. i am not sure. but i want to try to get some awesome songs.

let's see... trying to think if there is anything else that i can think of at the moment. it is nice to have the internet back again. i need to remember to post youtubes and blogs more again. once i get my new phone in a few weeks i will probably be able to do things from my phone. :) i am excited to get the new phone. very excited.

well, i am going to go for now. might write more in a bit, we will see if i can think of anything to even write about.

-oo-
Aiden

looking into the past

so, today i basically spent the entire day searching online for things i can use in my story that i am going to start writing soon. did a lot of marking of pages about insane asylums and so forth around the 30's- 60's. i haven't decided exactly what time period to have it placed in. but we will see as i do more research about everything. I am hoping to pay off my library fines so that I can check out some books and dvds if I can find any of those or anything. I am going to try to look into every single way that I can do the research and try to make it as accurate as possible. The psych ward part is the major thing that I need to make accurate and depending on the time period I will go from there into where I decide to write the story, the final decisions and everything else. One step at a time then they lead to the details. I am going to try to write this the best way I know how and take it slow but try to stay focused as much as possible.

I have basically be watching tons of horror movies and dramas about psych wards, not matter what time period they are in and just trying to get into the right state of mind. I am going to be doing nothing but trying to surround myself with things like this and trying to do mental disorders so I can define and explain why she is in there other than killing people. I know the basics of what she is going to do but I need to figure out what things she is feeling, seeing and so forth to bring her to the point of killing people other than the plot that she has already been given that I will not talk about yet.

There are a lot of ideas racing through my head about where I want the story to go, what I want the basics to be... but I am not totally sure what I want to do yet. I will take it one step at a time.

Still getting more stickers and random things every day. I am loving it. :) I am so glad I signed up and asked for all the stickers from people. I think I am going to do another list of emails but I need to try to make sure I don't email the same people I have already emailed. That is gonna be the toughest part cause I am going to have to go back through the old emails, I think.

Let's see... anything else to write about? I have officially switched to weekly shots. We will see how the changes come from here. I am going to be keeping everything documented in my shot journal like I have been but I need to make sure I write more in it each time. I didn't take very good records of the first year and I kind of wish that I would have. I know I could have but oh well, gotta start now, I guess.

Well, I am good for now since blogger is being weird.

Love, Peace and Chicken Grease, y'all

-Aiden