another entry

         So, I have been wanting to write for awhile but now that I am writing I am not sure what all I wanted to write about. Oh, first I finally finished The Maze Runner. I had already seen the movie so it made it a little tough to read through but there were enough things different to keep me interested in reading further. I finished it and started reading the next book and by the end of my reading day I had made it over halfway through The Scorch Trials. I am loving this book even more than the first. I am loving this series.
         I have been winning a lot of free books from this website that I am using and I have decided that I am going to read them. I was originally going to sell them or something for some money but I may just read them and if I like them I will keep them. Why not? I mean, I have already won 5 books, an audio book and an e-book. It is awesome. I am loving it. I am hoping that is with reading more I will find more interest in writing again. Which, I know that blogging more often is going to help to get juices flowing. I am actually debating on doing writing prompts again just to get myself going. I hate them but I obviously need it.
         I am going to be starting a therapy art group. I am not sure what to expect but I am hoping it will get me back into my artwork. I miss being able to use my art for anything. Even my pen pal letters are just black ink and that is it. Half the time I write in cursive since it is faster. I mean, I have basically given up.
         Speaking of which, I am getting another anti-depressant added to my med list. We are hoping it will help just a little bit more. The anti-depressant that I am taking works a little bit but obviously not enough so hopefully adding this will help more. I am just sick of sitting in this stupid spot forever.
         I am starting pen paling again. One through mail and one through email plus one of the old ones for mail. I just got so lazy lately. I have to fake it til I make it.
         Oh, also... so I was without a phone for about 5 days and couldn't get ahold of anyone other than through facebook and I realized how few people are on facebook often. I really need to try to lay off the facebook. But, I found another one and was about to fix it up... then it died so I had to go back to my phone I had about 5 years ago, the LG Optimus S. The screen is so small for my thumbs. It is funny but so weird. I am just happy to have a phone so I am able to get ahold of the people that I need to, which is pretty awesome. So, may not be that great but it is something and at least it is better than being stuck with a flip phone.
         Haha, I bought a CD the other day. Yes, literally bought a CD at the store. I really like this rapper G-Eazy and I saw his cd for 9.99 and I couldn't pass it up. I really like him and his style. I have been listening to him and Mac Miller off and on lately. White Rappers. Haha.
         Well, not totally sure what else to write about at the moment so I am going to go try to do some writing. See what I can come up with, if anything at all.

-oo-

coming to terms with reality

Kat and i had done some talking awhile back about possibly having another kid at some point in the future and how i was hoping for it to be my egg and her giving birth to the child. that way my grandfather and mom's dna will not end with me as i am an only child of an only child [only one of my grandfather's but has half brothers and sisters]. after doing research i am sad to say that it looks as though if Kathrine and i were to decide to have another child we would not be able to use my egg. it would cost a minimum of $15,000 PER egg transfer. there is a minimum of 30% chance it would lead to multiple children [twins or more]... i am sad because i was really hoping to be able to pass on my genetics so my grandfather would be able to live on. it crushed me...

my anti-depressants aren't working and i can tell. i have been able to tell for awhile but i was hoping it would get better. i am needing to find a doctor that i can get in to see since the ones here all quit. i need to see if my mood stabilizer is working anymore cause i really feel like it isn't and i need my vitamin d needs to be upped again. i would like if i could have my ativan upped, as well, since my anxiety levels are getting higher and higher now. i am not sure what to do with anything since i have no psychiatrist... i need to try to find another one. 

on top of that all happening, a great lady and friend that i have known my entire life passed away yesterday. she had been battling cancer for years and she ended up losing the battle due to having to stop chemo because she ended up getting ecolli. the woman went through so much through the last few years it was so hard to see her struggling with her health but she was still able to stay strong. she was an amazing woman and she will for sure be missed. 

i am 80 days without cigarettes. haven't used a patch in over 60. i now only use a e-cigarette with non-nicotine liquid. i love it. it helps a lot with the habit. 

other than that... i am still getting free stickers in the mail, got a free hat and shirt, some other random things. still getting magazines and so forth. i will take pictures soon just haven't gotten around to doing it. i need to make a video for youtube, too, but i never have the ambition to do it anymore. 

honestly, i am not sure what else to write about at this point. so, i guess that i am going to go for right now. i will try to write more again sooner. hopefully things will start getting a little better. 

-oo-

Aiden

more stickers

              finally got around to posting the newer stickers that i have been getting in the mail. i remind you, these were all free. i didn't pay a penny for ANY of these. 

        pretty good collection coming in. will be lots more coming in still. wrote to more companies. :) i will keep updating as i get more.

newest stickers :)

yep, posting some more of the free stickers that i have gotten in the mail lately.