another entry

         So, I have been wanting to write for awhile but now that I am writing I am not sure what all I wanted to write about. Oh, first I finally finished The Maze Runner. I had already seen the movie so it made it a little tough to read through but there were enough things different to keep me interested in reading further. I finished it and started reading the next book and by the end of my reading day I had made it over halfway through The Scorch Trials. I am loving this book even more than the first. I am loving this series.
         I have been winning a lot of free books from this website that I am using and I have decided that I am going to read them. I was originally going to sell them or something for some money but I may just read them and if I like them I will keep them. Why not? I mean, I have already won 5 books, an audio book and an e-book. It is awesome. I am loving it. I am hoping that is with reading more I will find more interest in writing again. Which, I know that blogging more often is going to help to get juices flowing. I am actually debating on doing writing prompts again just to get myself going. I hate them but I obviously need it.
         I am going to be starting a therapy art group. I am not sure what to expect but I am hoping it will get me back into my artwork. I miss being able to use my art for anything. Even my pen pal letters are just black ink and that is it. Half the time I write in cursive since it is faster. I mean, I have basically given up.
         Speaking of which, I am getting another anti-depressant added to my med list. We are hoping it will help just a little bit more. The anti-depressant that I am taking works a little bit but obviously not enough so hopefully adding this will help more. I am just sick of sitting in this stupid spot forever.
         I am starting pen paling again. One through mail and one through email plus one of the old ones for mail. I just got so lazy lately. I have to fake it til I make it.
         Oh, also... so I was without a phone for about 5 days and couldn't get ahold of anyone other than through facebook and I realized how few people are on facebook often. I really need to try to lay off the facebook. But, I found another one and was about to fix it up... then it died so I had to go back to my phone I had about 5 years ago, the LG Optimus S. The screen is so small for my thumbs. It is funny but so weird. I am just happy to have a phone so I am able to get ahold of the people that I need to, which is pretty awesome. So, may not be that great but it is something and at least it is better than being stuck with a flip phone.
         Haha, I bought a CD the other day. Yes, literally bought a CD at the store. I really like this rapper G-Eazy and I saw his cd for 9.99 and I couldn't pass it up. I really like him and his style. I have been listening to him and Mac Miller off and on lately. White Rappers. Haha.
         Well, not totally sure what else to write about at the moment so I am going to go try to do some writing. See what I can come up with, if anything at all.

-oo-

a fun weekend

had a fun weekend. spent saturday hanging out with friends at the flame in duluth. got to see some friends i hadn't seen in quite awhile. it was nice to be able to see some friends.

now one of my great friends is going to be moving from the cities back up to duluth so i am excited to be able to hang out with her again. i miss her so much. she has been one of the best friends i have had in a long time and i haven't been able to hang out with her in probably four years. and actually on a regular basis. it will be awesome! i am so beyond excited.

things are going pretty well. i am working on trying to get some more artwork done and so forth. i am trying to push myself to do these things, sell something, get some kind of money coming in but first i need to produce the things that i actually would be selling or anything. i need to try to work on it and push myself. i need to push myself very hard. it is tough to try to get myself to the point where i feel as though i can actually do it. i don't know why but i find it hard to sit down and do the things that i always loved to do. i never have the ambition to do much of anything these days and it is kind of driving me crazy in a way. i know it is partially to do with my depression but at the same time... there has to be something else behind it. there has to be some other reason why it is a problem, why i am truly having a major issue with this still. it goes for years where i am like this then i have a few months where i do a TON of art then i am back to nothing. i used to be doing art all the time. i even did artwork AT work... what the hell... how did i get here? how did i get to this point in my life? i just feel as though i really want to change yet i just don't have the ambition.

i am feeling as though there are things in my life that could be so much better, there could be things that i could make better... yet i am still sitting here... wondering and waiting and hoping that i can figure out what it is!

what is going on in my head? i don't even know...

well, gonna go for now.

-aiden