it's time

         a lot of things are changing in my life. i have been losing weight and i am not totally sure how but i am going to keep trying to make it better. i am starting to eat better, i am going to be doing some minor working out until my body is ready for me to move forward with more. 

         i have realized that in order for things to be a major change i have to make the MAJOR changes myself. i am working on it and i am done saying i am working but never following through. i want to be able to be proud of where i am in my life. physically and mentally. 

         i am starting to work more on my artwork. maybe not as much as i could or should but baby steps are all i need at this point. maybe a drawing every few days, even if it is just a little doodle. things have to happen or i am stuck in the same spot for the rest of my life and i refuse to do that. 

         going to be trying to get a gym membership soon if money allows. i am ready for this step and i have been for awhile but now i REALLY am ready and i am going to do the best that i can to keep going in the right direction. people may not understand why it is so hard for me to work out at home or anything like that but for some reason i just don't have the motivation without the work out gear, being surrounded by other people working out, without having my headphones on and able to escape the world. i am really really hoping that all of that works out and will be able to happen. 

         the weather is getting a little better and i have taken two walks in the last month across town. it may not have been as long of a walk as most people walk but it was something. something that i wouldn't do if our car was still running. there are times where i really wish that the car was working but at the same time i am thinking that walking with colby or in general will be helpful. i am hoping to start walking with him maybe once or twice a week and go from there. 

         i am not sure what else to write about at this point but just wanting to update since i have been lazy about blogging lately. going to be making a video pretty soon, i believe... so we will see. lol

                           -Aiden

catching up and setting up

right now i am in the process of figuring out the things i need to do over the next week. i need to complete at least half of the things on the list but the more the better. i am working on trying to push things forward with my art business. i need to set things up more business like. make the files, the artwork, the business cards, try to get a website, set up accounts and stay up to date with them, and so much more. i need to start treating like it is actually a true job. it will help get things off of the ground. and i am hoping to at least get someone else who is willing to help with some of it, at least. some people who are willing to spread the word about my artwork. i want to kind of create a street team. but before that i need to start creating more and more work. i have to get to it. i need to buck up and try to make this work somehow.

did another testosterone shot again today. they are getting easier and easier every time since i started to do the shots in the arm. i flinch less. they hurt a bit afterwards but if i just massage it and not baby it too much just use it... it isn't bad. i flinch everywhere else that we have tried to do the shots and this seems to be the spot. so, on my other arm i am thinking that i will have some kind of area that is used for the needle to be a tattoo. the octopus on my right arm gets poked near the eye and it works just great. :) so just need something on the other arm. maybe get something on my thighs just in case i need to do the shots myself at some point. i still am determined to be able to do shots myself.

i am working on setting plans for working out and so forth. setting a schedule so i don't over do it right off the bat, like i tend to do. haha

gonna have to buckle down on this whole making things a business. getting the word out about my work. and i need to kill it on the artwork. fast. i gotta push some shit out FAST. i know i can do it. just gonna have to kick my own ass into gear and try to have people harass me all the time. i am sure kat would work it out for me that she would try to do that as often as she could. we will see.

my art facebook page

things are going to start happening. they have to. i am sick of doing nothing all the time. 

peace out. haha
-Aiden

a fun weekend

had a fun weekend. spent saturday hanging out with friends at the flame in duluth. got to see some friends i hadn't seen in quite awhile. it was nice to be able to see some friends.

now one of my great friends is going to be moving from the cities back up to duluth so i am excited to be able to hang out with her again. i miss her so much. she has been one of the best friends i have had in a long time and i haven't been able to hang out with her in probably four years. and actually on a regular basis. it will be awesome! i am so beyond excited.

things are going pretty well. i am working on trying to get some more artwork done and so forth. i am trying to push myself to do these things, sell something, get some kind of money coming in but first i need to produce the things that i actually would be selling or anything. i need to try to work on it and push myself. i need to push myself very hard. it is tough to try to get myself to the point where i feel as though i can actually do it. i don't know why but i find it hard to sit down and do the things that i always loved to do. i never have the ambition to do much of anything these days and it is kind of driving me crazy in a way. i know it is partially to do with my depression but at the same time... there has to be something else behind it. there has to be some other reason why it is a problem, why i am truly having a major issue with this still. it goes for years where i am like this then i have a few months where i do a TON of art then i am back to nothing. i used to be doing art all the time. i even did artwork AT work... what the hell... how did i get here? how did i get to this point in my life? i just feel as though i really want to change yet i just don't have the ambition.

i am feeling as though there are things in my life that could be so much better, there could be things that i could make better... yet i am still sitting here... wondering and waiting and hoping that i can figure out what it is!

what is going on in my head? i don't even know...

well, gonna go for now.

-aiden

new ideas and new ambitions

so, i am going to try to work on this page and turning it into a website. doing the best that i can with this site and connecting others so that i can create a full site until i can afford to at least buy a domain name and use it to link things to maybe or something. but i need to get a full site going. have something seperate for my art/ work. but have them all be connected to one home site. and this will be it.

i am turning this into my diary, my poetry journal, my picture gallery, my doodling posting area, my art, random rantings... into one chunk of this is who i am. get to know me.

i am going to be featured on a online radio show in april and am very excited for that. so, the self promoting will begin along with some q & a with two great friends of mine. this is a transition radio station and they interview people with interesting stories, a few decently well known people, and some great conversation. i will admit that i am very nervous because it is live and on the phone. so i am going to have to try very hard to stay focused, not move around a whole lot and try not to go a.d.d. too much. i have to write up a short bio of myself and they come up with the questions. man, i just... i do want to do it for sure... it would be something very awesome, i think. get my name out there and just tell about myself, my art, my writing, etc.

i am trying to be more active on facebook while trying to look for a job. i have decided that i need to try to hold a job down... at least get one. but i will not work in fast food. so i am going to try to put my art skills to work and see what i can do to get some kind of income for creating tattoos, posters for bands, cd covers, stickers, tshirts, logos, etc. this is what i have always wanted to do... i need to focus my ideas into one spot and do it. so, i am going to start my lists of band names, song titles, cd names, etc. then start putting together the booklets, covers, logos, etc. have these in sample folders in my page on facebook. well, damn. that was a good idea. i should start working on that stuff tonight, i think.

so, i am working on taking this into action. i might as well, since i have the time. why not use it to work on getting things started so maybe i can make some extra money.

let's see... it was an amazing day today. just everything was awesome. it was a beautiful day out, 47 degrees. drove around with both windows down and not feeling like i would freeze to death... even in a tshirt! it was sweet. i love that the weather is starting to get better. i can't wait til all the snow is gone completely. that will be an awesome day for sure. i always get excited for spring even though i am allregic to fresh cut grass which means my allergies act up a lot... but i still love watching nothing but white and black turn to brown slowly and blooming into green and purples and yellows and oranges and reds.... it is just amazing. i love color and i love the color in that transition. i wonder if i would be better living in somewhere where it was sunny more often, only problem with that... the heat would be up and i would burn a lot. and i hate heat. i just wonder, cause if i lived in somewhere like florida... how maybe my depression would be a lot lower. it would be just amazing. but could i actually live there?

anyway. i am not sure why i just went into that tangent but there ya go, something to read.

well, i am going to go work on my lists and making some cool stuff for myself. to post on my pages and so forth.

-aiden