it's time

         a lot of things are changing in my life. i have been losing weight and i am not totally sure how but i am going to keep trying to make it better. i am starting to eat better, i am going to be doing some minor working out until my body is ready for me to move forward with more. 

         i have realized that in order for things to be a major change i have to make the MAJOR changes myself. i am working on it and i am done saying i am working but never following through. i want to be able to be proud of where i am in my life. physically and mentally. 

         i am starting to work more on my artwork. maybe not as much as i could or should but baby steps are all i need at this point. maybe a drawing every few days, even if it is just a little doodle. things have to happen or i am stuck in the same spot for the rest of my life and i refuse to do that. 

         going to be trying to get a gym membership soon if money allows. i am ready for this step and i have been for awhile but now i REALLY am ready and i am going to do the best that i can to keep going in the right direction. people may not understand why it is so hard for me to work out at home or anything like that but for some reason i just don't have the motivation without the work out gear, being surrounded by other people working out, without having my headphones on and able to escape the world. i am really really hoping that all of that works out and will be able to happen. 

         the weather is getting a little better and i have taken two walks in the last month across town. it may not have been as long of a walk as most people walk but it was something. something that i wouldn't do if our car was still running. there are times where i really wish that the car was working but at the same time i am thinking that walking with colby or in general will be helpful. i am hoping to start walking with him maybe once or twice a week and go from there. 

         i am not sure what else to write about at this point but just wanting to update since i have been lazy about blogging lately. going to be making a video pretty soon, i believe... so we will see. lol

                           -Aiden

wa wa waaaaa

so, today sucked. the first half was ok but now on the way to get tubes for cigarettes the car just... stopped. we are pretty sure it is either the fuel filter or the fuel pump. hopefully it is just the fuel filter cause that will be a hell of a lot cheaper to replace. but my friend, kaelyn, and i are going back to the car later and try to move it and see what we can do. :sigh: what a damn day...

i am tired now. i am like mentally exhausted. i dunno why but all of a sudden i just crashed energy wise. i really want to take a nap and i would if my buddy, ashley, wasn't over and if we weren't already up to stuff. i am really drained. that took everything out of me. i had to stand in front of a cop and talk to him and i hate cops... they freak me out. i think my anxiety just shot up and now i am tired from that. i dunno. all i know is i have a feeling it is going to be an early night after we deal with the car. god, i hate being this tired.

my head hurts. ugh. what a day. at least we finally have cigarettes again. that is helping today. after the day i have had i am glad. although the car did die on the way to GET the tubes to make the cigarettes so if i wouldn't have gone i probably wouldn't have had to deal with this until possibly tomorrow or something.

i have been having issues with feeling tired all the time lately. i am not sure why but i am always tired, i keep sleeping and passing out left and right. i am not sure why and it is making me worried and kind of annoyed. between that and my tailbone/ lower back hurting... i am just not sure what to do with myself. i really should set up a doctor appointment and stuff but i just don't have the ambition to even do it anymore.

i dunno. i am so not here right now. i just want to go to sleep but i can't...

love, peace and chicken grease
-Aiden