so, had a pretty awesome birthday other than the fact that i was passing out around 2pm... on the couch. i had been awake for about three days and couldn't sleep the two nights before and all of a sudden my body just said, it is time to sleep. NOW.
i am still getting at least one sticker per day in the mail. i am loving it. i hope that this keeps going but i know it won't for very long. but i sent out another email to a handful of companies. i really should be keeping track of these companies... that way i don't end up writing to another one more than once. it will probably happen, too. i am sure it will.
trying to force myself to do things. i didn;t want to do the dishes but i made myself do some. not all of them but some of them. normally i would have just walked away or something and ignored it until kat ended up doing the dishes. i was proud of myself. i am trying to keep doing things like that.
i dunno. kind of a.d.d. and tired. so gonna write more later.
-Aiden
Showing posts with label birthday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birthday. Show all posts
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Sunday, May 5, 2013
a copy of my countdown to my birthday [2013]
18 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY....
as promised, here is a random thing about me for day 19. there will be a random thing posted every day until my birthday. some things people may know who are close to me, some no one may know...
i was in ballet from the age of 3-13. i was in ballet, tap, jazz, modern and baton. here is one of the pictures i was able to find for you to laugh at... ENJOY
17 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY...
i was born Megan Lynne Kilgore. i am an only child, an only grandchild for my grandfather because my mom had a different father than the rest of my aunts and uncles.
16 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY...
i have a weird love for redheads. whether they are guys, girls, animals, etc. some of my favorite actors and actresses are redheads. some of my favorite redheads are:
Marg Helgenberger, kate winslet, Julianne Moore, Susan Sarandon, Geri Halliwell,Bernadette Peters, Ann Margaret, Conan O'Brien, Nicole Kidman, Gillian Anderson,Lindsay Lohan [before she went all cracked out and crazy and shit], Isla Lang Fisher, Amy Adams, Emma Stone, Willie Nelson, David Caruso, Seth Green, Michael C. Hall [yeah, a natural redhead believe it or not], Danny Elfman [to most amazing composer... has been involved in pretty much EVERY tim burton movie...], Adam Savage, Alan Tudyk, Damian Lewis, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Louis C.K., Bette Middler, Rupert Grint!!!,Simon Pegg, Tilda Swinton, Reba McEntire, Kathy Griffin, Zack Ward, Carol Burnett, Debbie Reynolds, Frances Fisher, JUDY GARLAND, Amy Yasbeck, Annette Bening, Alyson Hannigan, Gates McFadden [who was my first ever crush] ...
there are a TON more but i am going to leave it there cause there are already three of these. haha. but, like i said...
i ♥ redheads... not sure why... but have my entire life
15 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!
some of my favorite movies are:
ELF, pitch perfect, shaun of the dead, the high school musical movies, the wizard of oz, a star is born [the judy garland version], pretty much anything tim burton, smiley face, the toy story movies, hedwig and the angry inch, fear and loathing in las vegas, breakfast club, donny darko, all the batman movies, house bunny, sucker punch, reefer madness [newer one], the alien series, THOR!, chicago, grumpy and grumpier old men, mean girls, the cell, a bunch more...
14 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY
i have been to college twice. once for my generals and once for graphic design. i failed out the first time adn the second time i was going to take a break because i was working overnight at a group home and couldn't stay awake during the classes. but, i learned a lot of good things from the short amount of time i was in college and it has helped me in my artwork and also in knowledge of psychology :)
13 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY
i was in all advanced classes until i was in 5th grade. then i was put into classes at my grade level. by seventh grade i was supposed to fail but i was moved from washington to minnesota and they let me go to the eighth grade... and i failed the eighth grade. i was 19 when i graduated... and i BARELY graduated. i am pretty sure they graduated me cause i was annoying them. lol
12 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!!
i have had animals all of my life. i have had cats, dogs, ferrets, rabbits, rats, hamsters, asian dwarves, a salamander, frogs, fish, and lots of stuffed animals. i love animals and my mom does as well, which is why i was raised around animals and have almost always had an animal in my life. they make my life so much better, give me laughs, snuggles, love, make me accountable for something and someone... i love them. even though they like to destroy things..
11 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY
i have eczema. i also have one leg longer than the other, one foot a half a shoe size bigger than the other, my one arm is longer than the other and my hair grows faster on the same side, as well. i have depression, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, generalized high anxiety, and ptsd. i have a bad back and hip due to my leg being longer than the other and my large chest [EE cups].
10 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY
some of my favorite random things are:
unicorns, phoenix, glitter, batman, zombies, hello kitty, rainbows, blacklights, glow-in-the-dark stuff, bracelets, drawing, writing, laughing, coloring, stickers [particularly bumper stickers, skateboard stickers, etc.], neon colors, sock monkeys, squirrels, jelly fish, seahorses, christmas lights, halloween, snuggles, british accents, fuzzy posters, listening to music, playing my guitar or drums, octopus, my teddy bear people that i draw, buddha, moonstone, opal, opalite, being creative, tattoos, piercings and a ton of other random things
9 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY
i used to write poetry and short stories all the time. i am in the process of trying to work on that again. i wrote poetry, journaled and wrote stories since i was about 9 and stopped around the time was 21. i have about two 3 inch 3 ring binders full of my poetry and writing, plus all of the random journals that i have written in [about 7]. writing and art are the biggest things in my life.
8 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!
i dislike having my picture taken, pickles, mustard, sour kraut, mushrooms, olives, peppers, coconut, almonds, wide ruled paper, when my favorite pens die, getting nothing but junk mail [that is why i am a pen pal with a handful of my friends], misplacing things, running out of cigarettes or having cigarettes and no lighter, forgetting what i am saying in the middle of what i am saying, reading out loud, my chest, when my cats dart of the apartment, wet socks, forgetting someone's name hat i KNOW that i have meta few times, being broke, the doctor's office, hospitals, clinics, shopping in stores during the day, working fast food, car trouble, criticism [which is a part of my biggest flaws], running into walls/ doorways... and a TON more...
7 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!!
i have been pen paling since i was about 12 years old. i love writing letters and getting letters in the mail. yes, we have facebook and email and everything but i like the old fashioned pen and paper letters. it's much more personal and i feel you get a different connection. i have always had at least one pen pal since then. sometimes i end up with about 10, which i think is about how many i have right now, but i always manage to keep things in order for the most part.
6 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!
i collect batman things, anything with the green three eyed aliens from the toy story movies, zombie movies, pens and other things that glow under blacklight, stickers [bumper stickers, band stickers, skateboard stickers, etc], squirrel things, sock monkeys, glittery things, bracelets, hats, movies, gel pens/ pens that write really nice, i used to collect journals... not sure why... and a bunch of other random things. but i am trying to cut down on the things that i collect and try to stick with a few things since i have an obscene amount of things...
5 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!!!
i have a weird obsession with handwriting. i wanted to go to school for graphology, which is the pseudoscientific study and analysis of handwriting, especially in relation to human psychology. i like to read and analyze peoples handwriting. i don't know a whole lot about it but i have always been fascinated by how different everyone's handwriting can be. i have been known to change my handwriting over time. sometimes i like to do it just for a change but i like to be able to see how different i can make my writing and see if other people can tell if it was me.
4 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!
my dream job since i was about 12 years old was to be an creative director. i would like to be able to design cd booklets, posters, handouts for bands, stickers, patches... it would involve brainstorming with the people i am creating for, creating a theme, helping to create an artistic style for the band or singer. i would work to focus on what would appeal to audiences but still represent who i am working for. there are lots of ways you could be a creative director... television shows, movies, band things, book covers, music videos, video games, advertising, films, music, fashion and much more. but i have always wanted to do things for bands. things like stickers, tshirts, cd booklets, cd designs, patches, logos for the bands, etc. that is my IDEAL job.
3 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!
i am fascinated by skeletons especially in xrays. i sometimes google xrays and just look at the human body like that. i am always amused with the ones where people et things stuck inside themselves. whether they get something stuck in their throat, in their butt, in their stomach... i find xrays amazingly interesting. i don't know much about the human body because i never took anatomy but i still am amazed.
2 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!
i come from a large family on both sides. my mom has 6 half siblings and my dad has 5 siblings. each of my aunts and uncles [other than one] has a minimum of 2 children each. i am the only only child in the entire family. on my mom's side of the family i am the youngest cousin by about 14 years while on my dad's side i am the oldest by about 7 years. i have no cousins near my age.
i have always wondered what it would be like to have siblings. i have a step sister who is the closest to that but we haven't talked much since we were both in high school and now that i am transitioning she doesn't seem to want anything to do with me, so i have adopted some of my friends as my siblings :)
1 DAY UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!!
i am afraid of success. for so long in my life, knowing i have some talent, i have held myself down from really dedicating myself to the things that i love, the things i could get money for and the things that are actually liked by other people. for some reason i have always had issues with ruining my chances at things, like procrastinating so much that i miss deadlines of things, writing things down but never in the same place so i lose track of all the things that people want me to do for them.
i am hoping that i can push myself through this issue of not allowing myself to succeed.
as promised, here is a random thing about me for day 19. there will be a random thing posted every day until my birthday. some things people may know who are close to me, some no one may know...
i was in ballet from the age of 3-13. i was in ballet, tap, jazz, modern and baton. here is one of the pictures i was able to find for you to laugh at... ENJOY
17 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY...
i was born Megan Lynne Kilgore. i am an only child, an only grandchild for my grandfather because my mom had a different father than the rest of my aunts and uncles.
16 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY...
i have a weird love for redheads. whether they are guys, girls, animals, etc. some of my favorite actors and actresses are redheads. some of my favorite redheads are:
Marg Helgenberger, kate winslet, Julianne Moore, Susan Sarandon, Geri Halliwell,Bernadette Peters, Ann Margaret, Conan O'Brien, Nicole Kidman, Gillian Anderson,Lindsay Lohan [before she went all cracked out and crazy and shit], Isla Lang Fisher, Amy Adams, Emma Stone, Willie Nelson, David Caruso, Seth Green, Michael C. Hall [yeah, a natural redhead believe it or not], Danny Elfman [to most amazing composer... has been involved in pretty much EVERY tim burton movie...], Adam Savage, Alan Tudyk, Damian Lewis, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Louis C.K., Bette Middler, Rupert Grint!!!,Simon Pegg, Tilda Swinton, Reba McEntire, Kathy Griffin, Zack Ward, Carol Burnett, Debbie Reynolds, Frances Fisher, JUDY GARLAND, Amy Yasbeck, Annette Bening, Alyson Hannigan, Gates McFadden [who was my first ever crush] ...
there are a TON more but i am going to leave it there cause there are already three of these. haha. but, like i said...
i ♥ redheads... not sure why... but have my entire life
15 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!
some of my favorite movies are:
ELF, pitch perfect, shaun of the dead, the high school musical movies, the wizard of oz, a star is born [the judy garland version], pretty much anything tim burton, smiley face, the toy story movies, hedwig and the angry inch, fear and loathing in las vegas, breakfast club, donny darko, all the batman movies, house bunny, sucker punch, reefer madness [newer one], the alien series, THOR!, chicago, grumpy and grumpier old men, mean girls, the cell, a bunch more...
14 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY
i have been to college twice. once for my generals and once for graphic design. i failed out the first time adn the second time i was going to take a break because i was working overnight at a group home and couldn't stay awake during the classes. but, i learned a lot of good things from the short amount of time i was in college and it has helped me in my artwork and also in knowledge of psychology :)
13 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY
i was in all advanced classes until i was in 5th grade. then i was put into classes at my grade level. by seventh grade i was supposed to fail but i was moved from washington to minnesota and they let me go to the eighth grade... and i failed the eighth grade. i was 19 when i graduated... and i BARELY graduated. i am pretty sure they graduated me cause i was annoying them. lol
12 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!!
i have had animals all of my life. i have had cats, dogs, ferrets, rabbits, rats, hamsters, asian dwarves, a salamander, frogs, fish, and lots of stuffed animals. i love animals and my mom does as well, which is why i was raised around animals and have almost always had an animal in my life. they make my life so much better, give me laughs, snuggles, love, make me accountable for something and someone... i love them. even though they like to destroy things..
11 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY
i have eczema. i also have one leg longer than the other, one foot a half a shoe size bigger than the other, my one arm is longer than the other and my hair grows faster on the same side, as well. i have depression, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, generalized high anxiety, and ptsd. i have a bad back and hip due to my leg being longer than the other and my large chest [EE cups].
10 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY
some of my favorite random things are:
unicorns, phoenix, glitter, batman, zombies, hello kitty, rainbows, blacklights, glow-in-the-dark stuff, bracelets, drawing, writing, laughing, coloring, stickers [particularly bumper stickers, skateboard stickers, etc.], neon colors, sock monkeys, squirrels, jelly fish, seahorses, christmas lights, halloween, snuggles, british accents, fuzzy posters, listening to music, playing my guitar or drums, octopus, my teddy bear people that i draw, buddha, moonstone, opal, opalite, being creative, tattoos, piercings and a ton of other random things
9 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY
i used to write poetry and short stories all the time. i am in the process of trying to work on that again. i wrote poetry, journaled and wrote stories since i was about 9 and stopped around the time was 21. i have about two 3 inch 3 ring binders full of my poetry and writing, plus all of the random journals that i have written in [about 7]. writing and art are the biggest things in my life.
8 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!
i dislike having my picture taken, pickles, mustard, sour kraut, mushrooms, olives, peppers, coconut, almonds, wide ruled paper, when my favorite pens die, getting nothing but junk mail [that is why i am a pen pal with a handful of my friends], misplacing things, running out of cigarettes or having cigarettes and no lighter, forgetting what i am saying in the middle of what i am saying, reading out loud, my chest, when my cats dart of the apartment, wet socks, forgetting someone's name hat i KNOW that i have meta few times, being broke, the doctor's office, hospitals, clinics, shopping in stores during the day, working fast food, car trouble, criticism [which is a part of my biggest flaws], running into walls/ doorways... and a TON more...
7 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!!
i have been pen paling since i was about 12 years old. i love writing letters and getting letters in the mail. yes, we have facebook and email and everything but i like the old fashioned pen and paper letters. it's much more personal and i feel you get a different connection. i have always had at least one pen pal since then. sometimes i end up with about 10, which i think is about how many i have right now, but i always manage to keep things in order for the most part.
6 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!
i collect batman things, anything with the green three eyed aliens from the toy story movies, zombie movies, pens and other things that glow under blacklight, stickers [bumper stickers, band stickers, skateboard stickers, etc], squirrel things, sock monkeys, glittery things, bracelets, hats, movies, gel pens/ pens that write really nice, i used to collect journals... not sure why... and a bunch of other random things. but i am trying to cut down on the things that i collect and try to stick with a few things since i have an obscene amount of things...
5 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!!!
i have a weird obsession with handwriting. i wanted to go to school for graphology, which is the pseudoscientific study and analysis of handwriting, especially in relation to human psychology. i like to read and analyze peoples handwriting. i don't know a whole lot about it but i have always been fascinated by how different everyone's handwriting can be. i have been known to change my handwriting over time. sometimes i like to do it just for a change but i like to be able to see how different i can make my writing and see if other people can tell if it was me.
4 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!
my dream job since i was about 12 years old was to be an creative director. i would like to be able to design cd booklets, posters, handouts for bands, stickers, patches... it would involve brainstorming with the people i am creating for, creating a theme, helping to create an artistic style for the band or singer. i would work to focus on what would appeal to audiences but still represent who i am working for. there are lots of ways you could be a creative director... television shows, movies, band things, book covers, music videos, video games, advertising, films, music, fashion and much more. but i have always wanted to do things for bands. things like stickers, tshirts, cd booklets, cd designs, patches, logos for the bands, etc. that is my IDEAL job.
3 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!
i am fascinated by skeletons especially in xrays. i sometimes google xrays and just look at the human body like that. i am always amused with the ones where people et things stuck inside themselves. whether they get something stuck in their throat, in their butt, in their stomach... i find xrays amazingly interesting. i don't know much about the human body because i never took anatomy but i still am amazed.
2 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!
i come from a large family on both sides. my mom has 6 half siblings and my dad has 5 siblings. each of my aunts and uncles [other than one] has a minimum of 2 children each. i am the only only child in the entire family. on my mom's side of the family i am the youngest cousin by about 14 years while on my dad's side i am the oldest by about 7 years. i have no cousins near my age.
i have always wondered what it would be like to have siblings. i have a step sister who is the closest to that but we haven't talked much since we were both in high school and now that i am transitioning she doesn't seem to want anything to do with me, so i have adopted some of my friends as my siblings :)
1 DAY UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!!
i am afraid of success. for so long in my life, knowing i have some talent, i have held myself down from really dedicating myself to the things that i love, the things i could get money for and the things that are actually liked by other people. for some reason i have always had issues with ruining my chances at things, like procrastinating so much that i miss deadlines of things, writing things down but never in the same place so i lose track of all the things that people want me to do for them.
i am hoping that i can push myself through this issue of not allowing myself to succeed.
Monday, April 15, 2013
counting down to my birthday...
16 days until my birthday today. can't believe that i am going to be 28 in 16 days. where have all the years gone? makes me worry about how little i have achieved, how little i have done in my life knowing that i could have gone further with my art, my schooling, my life in general. i can't complain completely because witout going through everything i have gone through, i wouldn't be where i am right now, with the love of my life, etc. i just truly wonder what could have been if i would have stuck with things, if i would have put in the effort and not let my mental illnesses get the best of me for so long. i dunno.
i have been trying to get my life back into order, but i got sick and have been having issues with my tooth. so, it has made it tough to do anything. plus, i have gotten addicted to a few sites and have been using my new laptop CONSTANTLY. so, i am going to try to get back into my drawing, i want to try to do a drawing a day for 365 days. i will try to get started on that. if i do, i will be sure to post them on here and on my art profile on facebook, HERE. please make sure to comment and like my things that you like. any kind of feedback is very helpful, for serious. i am really going to try to kick my ass into doing this. and if i miss a day, i am going to draw as many things as i need to in order to make up for the days that i have missed.
so, i also need to make a new youtube video. i kept saying i was waiting to get my hair cut but i honestly don't know when that is going to be SO i am going to just go ahead and make one with a hat on or something. haha. i owe a BUNCH of people videos and i just need to update things, anyway, cause i have been on t for OVER a year and the last video i made was over 4 months ago... it is far overdue. i need to learn to stop procrastinating. both kat and i have noticed that we have been doing that a lot and are trying to get out of that habit. so, i am going to have to make a list of things to do every day, every week, etc. and try to do my best to keep to it. if people notice i am not doing the things that i say i am going to do, call me out on my shit. i need people to do that sometimes because i tend to forget or just not get the ambition because i don't think people are watching, reading, or looking at the things that i do. i know there are some but no one ever comments on anything, so it makes me question if people are actually paying any attention to it, you know?
let's see, anything else to write about? OH! i am going to try to 'kidnap' my ex's daughter, who i still consider my kid, and see if she wants to spend a night not this next weekend but the one after. i haven't seen her since my ex and i broke up over 2 years ago. i finally started talking to her again a few months ago after sending her a letter apologizing for everything and how i hadn't talked to her. i miss that kid. she was like my child for over two years and i love her so much. she started calling me daddy when my ex and i were together and the first time she called me that i almost cried because for an 11 year old to even say that, realized i am transgender and accept that... that is amazing. that kid is one of the best kids. she is crazy, kind of a mini me, in a way. haha
so, i have noticed that my anxiety has been a lot higher as of late. i am not sure why, but there are things giving me anxiety. part of it is probably because i am trying to force myself to do things, which i need to do anyway, and i really realized that i HAVE to do this. i HAVE to push myself through the anxiety, the frustration, etc. i NEED it. i need to feel better about myself and the only way for that to happen is for me to start kicking my own ass. and i am going to talk to kat and see if she can help me, if she remembers. lol. her memory is kind of as bad as mine, to be honest. but i know i have to do this. that is why i am going to make some signs and things to put around the house to remind me... so i can't say i forgot. i am finally remembering to take my meds every day so that is something i don't have to worry about putting up on the wall.
well, i am thinking that is about it for right now. maybe i will get motivation to write more later. we will see.
peace out!
-aiden
i have been trying to get my life back into order, but i got sick and have been having issues with my tooth. so, it has made it tough to do anything. plus, i have gotten addicted to a few sites and have been using my new laptop CONSTANTLY. so, i am going to try to get back into my drawing, i want to try to do a drawing a day for 365 days. i will try to get started on that. if i do, i will be sure to post them on here and on my art profile on facebook, HERE. please make sure to comment and like my things that you like. any kind of feedback is very helpful, for serious. i am really going to try to kick my ass into doing this. and if i miss a day, i am going to draw as many things as i need to in order to make up for the days that i have missed.
so, i also need to make a new youtube video. i kept saying i was waiting to get my hair cut but i honestly don't know when that is going to be SO i am going to just go ahead and make one with a hat on or something. haha. i owe a BUNCH of people videos and i just need to update things, anyway, cause i have been on t for OVER a year and the last video i made was over 4 months ago... it is far overdue. i need to learn to stop procrastinating. both kat and i have noticed that we have been doing that a lot and are trying to get out of that habit. so, i am going to have to make a list of things to do every day, every week, etc. and try to do my best to keep to it. if people notice i am not doing the things that i say i am going to do, call me out on my shit. i need people to do that sometimes because i tend to forget or just not get the ambition because i don't think people are watching, reading, or looking at the things that i do. i know there are some but no one ever comments on anything, so it makes me question if people are actually paying any attention to it, you know?
let's see, anything else to write about? OH! i am going to try to 'kidnap' my ex's daughter, who i still consider my kid, and see if she wants to spend a night not this next weekend but the one after. i haven't seen her since my ex and i broke up over 2 years ago. i finally started talking to her again a few months ago after sending her a letter apologizing for everything and how i hadn't talked to her. i miss that kid. she was like my child for over two years and i love her so much. she started calling me daddy when my ex and i were together and the first time she called me that i almost cried because for an 11 year old to even say that, realized i am transgender and accept that... that is amazing. that kid is one of the best kids. she is crazy, kind of a mini me, in a way. haha
so, i have noticed that my anxiety has been a lot higher as of late. i am not sure why, but there are things giving me anxiety. part of it is probably because i am trying to force myself to do things, which i need to do anyway, and i really realized that i HAVE to do this. i HAVE to push myself through the anxiety, the frustration, etc. i NEED it. i need to feel better about myself and the only way for that to happen is for me to start kicking my own ass. and i am going to talk to kat and see if she can help me, if she remembers. lol. her memory is kind of as bad as mine, to be honest. but i know i have to do this. that is why i am going to make some signs and things to put around the house to remind me... so i can't say i forgot. i am finally remembering to take my meds every day so that is something i don't have to worry about putting up on the wall.
well, i am thinking that is about it for right now. maybe i will get motivation to write more later. we will see.
peace out!
-aiden
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