catching up on letters, finally

so, i have basically spent the last two days writing letters. i decided to write them all on the computer and print them out since i got some awesome fonts. why not use them and share them with my friends. better than boring old fonts. i like the fun ones. especially ones that look like handwriting.

so, anyway... things are going ok for the most part. i am not thinking about my grandparents every single day now. but i do miss my grandmother. knowing that i will never be able to talk to her again if i wanted to... never hear her stories again about her parents, her sisters and her brother. her experiences in the war... just the amazing stories she always told me. i wish that i would have recorded some of the things we talked about. i wish i would have used the tape deck when i had the chance. it would be amazing to write a story about her. she was an amazing woman who did a lot of things in her 90 years on earth. went through a lot of things but was always strong. i am so proud to say that she was my grandmother.

let's see... what else to write about. i shifted my facebook back to my old one and am getting rid of lots of people i never talk to, groups i don't want to be in and all of that fun shit. i am going to delete the other one in a week after people have had the chance to switch to the current one. i have been wanting to do it for awhile. i will be adding pictures and everything slowly back onto this one but i want to try to start new. it will be good for the changes that i am making. it will help me feel like a new start. at least i hope so.

i am not sure what else to write about but figured it would be good to do a quick update just cause. i am trying to write more and get things flowing on a more regular basis as far as writing and art. might try to do one drawing a week. i tried the drawing a day thing and that never works... so gonna try to do one a week. see if i can do that. :)

peace out.

in death comes a new beginning...

it has been awhile since i have blogged, but i feel like i need to get back to it. a lot has been happening lately and i feel like it could be helpful for myself.

on July 23rd, 2014 my grandmother, Rose, passed away after a long fight with dementia and other health issues. she no longer was speaking to anyone and in the end refused food and even liquids. thinking of the fight she went through over the last almost 6 years, hurts to know she was suffering but now with her passing i know she is with my grandfather, Eugene, in heaven and neither of them are suffering. My grandfather passed away from cancer.

my grandfather, Eugene, passed away about 6 months before i was born so i never got to know him but through family, especially my grandmother, i got to learn a lot of things about him. i wish i would have had the chance to get to know him as well as i did my grandmother. 

my mother was the youngest of seven kids and due to that i was the youngest of all the grandkids so i got to spend a lot of one on one time with my grandma. i got to know her in a way that a lot of other grandkids didn't get to. she was an amazing woman. artistic, loved cooking, loved dancing, loved judy garland and musicals... she taught me a lot of things and told me so many stories about our family history. she told me lots of stories about her siblings and her brother joe who passed away in world war two. 

i have lost other people in my life before her passing but she was the one i had the most personal relationship with, the most one on one time with and just was closest to. i have been having a very tough time over the almost two weeks now that i have had since she passed away. i attended her funeral, memorial and so forth... and i cried super hard and every single one. :( it was so depressing. i never cry but i knew that i would cry hard. and i have cried almost every single night since i found out she passed away. even after coming home after the funeral and everything. i am just having a harder time than i thought that i would. i knew it would hit hard but just didn't expect it to hit this hard. 

i am just not sure what to do with myself... trying...