Tuesday, August 5, 2014

in death comes a new beginning...

it has been awhile since i have blogged, but i feel like i need to get back to it. a lot has been happening lately and i feel like it could be helpful for myself.

on July 23rd, 2014 my grandmother, Rose, passed away after a long fight with dementia and other health issues. she no longer was speaking to anyone and in the end refused food and even liquids. thinking of the fight she went through over the last almost 6 years, hurts to know she was suffering but now with her passing i know she is with my grandfather, Eugene, in heaven and neither of them are suffering. My grandfather passed away from cancer.

my grandfather, Eugene, passed away about 6 months before i was born so i never got to know him but through family, especially my grandmother, i got to learn a lot of things about him. i wish i would have had the chance to get to know him as well as i did my grandmother. 

my mother was the youngest of seven kids and due to that i was the youngest of all the grandkids so i got to spend a lot of one on one time with my grandma. i got to know her in a way that a lot of other grandkids didn't get to. she was an amazing woman. artistic, loved cooking, loved dancing, loved judy garland and musicals... she taught me a lot of things and told me so many stories about our family history. she told me lots of stories about her siblings and her brother joe who passed away in world war two. 

i have lost other people in my life before her passing but she was the one i had the most personal relationship with, the most one on one time with and just was closest to. i have been having a very tough time over the almost two weeks now that i have had since she passed away. i attended her funeral, memorial and so forth... and i cried super hard and every single one. :( it was so depressing. i never cry but i knew that i would cry hard. and i have cried almost every single night since i found out she passed away. even after coming home after the funeral and everything. i am just having a harder time than i thought that i would. i knew it would hit hard but just didn't expect it to hit this hard. 

i am just not sure what to do with myself... trying... 

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