Thursday, July 25, 2013

i think i smell neurology...

well, things have been interesting to say the least. nothing major was happening for awhile. one of my best friends bought me some of those new neon sharpies and we colored in the blacklight, which was a ton of fun. spent some time with friends just hanging out, which i rarely do anymore. we went grocery shopping and this time i was actually there AND involved. but nothing majorly eventful. 

this last sunday things changed. we were behind on my testosterone shots so we were just going to do it. my anxiety had been REALLY high all day to the point of tingly arms, tingly face, tingly hands... my face was red and felt like it was tightening... all of these were common before i would normally have a panic attack. through out the day it calmed but would flare up again. i felt ok by the time we were about to do the shot so, although i was still very anxious, we decided to just do it and get it over with. we did the shot. as the needle went into my arm my whole shoulder felt really warm and spread to my chest and face... and next thing i remember i was laying on the bed with my head in kat's hand with her staring at me with a scared shitless look on her face. everything was blurry and i couldn't talk for about fifteen to twenty second. after that i felt ok for the most part but didn't try to get up or anything, just layed there. while i was laying there kat explained to me that i had just had a seizure. told me exactly what happened. she had finished the shot and i fell hard backwards [luckily i was sitting on the bed] and my legs extended out, kicking my tuppertote/ table and all the things on the floor out of the way. my whole body was shaking, hands near my chest and i was choking on my own tongue. she said it lasted for about 20 seconds. 

i was scared beyond belief after that. i tried to sleep that night but was unable to stop thinking about the seizure. i ended up doing some googling on my phone to look into anxiety related seizures and i found a lot that is helpful. after i did the research, i was able to fall asleep. 

now, september 4th i will be going in to see someone in the neurology department at essentia in duluth. i am scared but i really want to know what is going on. i am scared but know that i need to get it figured out. maybe the doctors and therapists will start taking me seriously about my anxiety issues. i tell them it is severe and they always push it aside. always tell me i need to use my coping skills... sad part is I AM so they clearly are not enough. between that and my ativan, i am not doing enough... i am really hoping to get some answers. 

well, anywho... guses that is all for the moment. will update more again... sorry i have been so m.i.a.


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