kat is making pancakes for dinner. i am very excited. ^_^
there are a lot of things happening but at the same time nothing is actually happening. i don't know how to explain it. but i am in the process of starting things again which is probably why it feels like nothing is happening. because it is the beginning part of the process. this is the time i give up because i feel it will never amount to anything. i am trying to stand up to that fear, push myself forward and get my shit together. i am 28 and sick of not being as much as i know i could be. it sounds cliche but i know that i need to get my shit together and i am sick of myself whimping out all the time and just doing nothing about it.
i am amused at how much i am not a kid person. yet i am a total pet person. i guess i have never really known what to do about kids. i have dated a large percent of mothers verses without kids. and i still am awkward with kids... i mean, i am good with aedan, better than with any other kid i have had in my life other than kayla. i am just not a kid person and find myself highly stressed out and increasingly cranky when around kids. i don't understand why and i kind of am curious as to why i have this issue...
i am going to be trying to get a gym membership in virginia with ashley at the ymca. only thing is driving to virginia to work out is a long way with gas prices going up again... i wish i could get my insurance to just cover 24 hour fitness. it would be great, i could go work out whenever i couldn't sleep or whatever. i could have a work out set schedule. i really wish that i could have a gym membership in our town. i really wish it would work out.
i didn't sleep last night but i took like a half an hour nap. i really want to go to sleep but at the same time want to hang out and chat with ashley. i know i want to stay up for the pancakes. i mean, come on... pancakes. nom nom nom. i sure do love me some pancakes. they are cakes made in your pan... or something like that. i just love pancakes. ^_^ i have always loved pancakes. i remember as a kid we used to go to IHOP all the time. i miss being able to go to IHOP whenever i wanted. that was great... every sunday we went after church. it was the highlight of my week. i dealt with church so that i could go to coffee hour and eat cookies then IHOP.
it's moments like that right above that make me realize that i have always had a weird obsession with food. i have always had that problem for as long as i can remember. it is isn't very cool to realize i have been pretty much a fat kid my entire life. i have gone through some good stages where i took care of myself and now i just let myself go over the last 6 years, at least. i wish i could say i tried but i really haven't. i just gave up and didn't care. i don't like feeling that way. i want to get back into feeling better, get back into taking care of me like i used to. doing shit all the time, not letting myself sit and do nothing all the time... get to business doing what i need to do for my art, for my pen pals, for my listia account, etc. i am gonna kick my ass into gear.
well, anyway. gonna go eat.
love, peace and chicken grease