Thursday, May 16, 2013

the end of another day

got some more stickers today, again. got a cigar box that i am going to turn into a storage box. i am going to sand it down to be able to put a white primer and then cover it with blacklight paint. it should be interesting. i will be posting the process pictures while i am working on it. 

kat is making pancakes for dinner. i am very excited. ^_^

there are a lot of things happening but at the same time nothing is actually happening. i don't know how to explain it. but i am in the process of starting things again which is probably why it feels like nothing is happening. because it is the beginning part of the process. this is the time i give up because i feel it will never amount to anything. i am trying to stand up to that fear, push myself forward and get my shit together. i am 28 and sick of not being as much as i know i could be. it sounds cliche but i know that i need to get my shit together and i am sick of myself whimping out all the time and just doing nothing about it. 

i am amused at how much i am not a kid person. yet i am a total pet person. i guess i have never really known what to do about kids. i have dated a large percent of mothers verses without kids. and i still am awkward with kids... i mean, i am good with aedan, better than with any other kid i have had in my life other than kayla. i am just not a kid person and find myself highly stressed out and increasingly cranky when around kids. i don't understand why and i kind of am curious as to why i have this issue...

i am going to be trying to get a gym membership in virginia with ashley at the ymca. only thing is driving to virginia to work out is a long way with gas prices going up again... i wish i could get my insurance to just cover 24 hour fitness. it would be great, i could go work out whenever i couldn't sleep or whatever. i could have a work out set schedule. i really wish that i could have a gym membership in our town. i really wish it would work out. 

i didn't sleep last night but i took like a half an hour nap. i really want to go to sleep but at the same time want to hang out and chat with ashley. i know i want to stay up for the pancakes. i mean, come on... pancakes. nom nom nom. i sure do love me some pancakes. they are cakes made in your pan... or something like that. i just love pancakes. ^_^ i have always loved pancakes. i remember as a kid we used to go to IHOP all the time. i miss being able to go to IHOP whenever i wanted. that was great... every sunday we went after church. it was the highlight of my week. i dealt with church so that i could go to coffee hour and eat cookies then IHOP. 

it's moments like that right above that make me realize that i have always had a weird obsession with food. i have always had that problem for as long as i can remember. it is isn't very cool to realize i have been pretty much a fat kid my entire life. i have gone through some good stages where i took care of myself and now i just let myself go over the last 6 years, at least. i wish i could say i tried but i really haven't. i just gave up and didn't care. i don't like feeling that way. i want to get back into feeling better, get back into taking care of me like i used to. doing shit all the time, not letting myself sit and do nothing all the time... get to business doing what i need to do for my art, for my pen pals, for my listia account, etc. i am gonna kick my ass into gear. 

well, anyway. gonna go eat. 
love, peace and chicken grease



  1. I've never been one for kids. My ex fiance had two when we were together, but I completely know what you're saying about the irritation.

    1. i love the kid to death but i need the weeks off that we get or i think i would be spazzing on him a LOT